In the arena, both the audience and commentators sat in
stunned silence watching the static on the giant screen.
...Well, almost.
"Not again!"
Daffy moaned. "I gotta tell
ya, we really should invest in some more durable cameras."
When the visual returned, only dust filled the screen.
* * * * *
Slowly, the dust swirling over the remains of Tokyo-3
began to settle. As the veiw became
more clear, we can begin to see exactly what, and who, remained standing.
Cracked streets remained. Damaged and windowless buildings remained. Rubble, junk, and debris remained.
And, in a massive, charred crater, Megatron remained.
And, surprisingly enough, Big O, Megas, and what was
left of Wing Zero remained laying behind a motionless Eva-01, the shimmer of a
massive hexagonal shield slowly fading before them.
_-_-_-_-_
"Report," Gendo Ikari commanded.
"There is severe structural damage close to the
surface, but there is no immediate danger of collapse," One of the NERV
technitians reported.
"Evacuations are proceeding as planned and repairs
are underway," Another chimed in.
"What is the status of Evangelion
Unit-01?" Gendo inquired.
"Shinji must have used his AT-Field to survive the
explosion and protect the others," Answered Ritsuko Akagi, a lovely woman
with short blond hair in a lab coat.
"How?"
"I have no idea, Sir," Said Ritsuko. "The AT-Field should have only protected Eva Unit-01. Nothing more."
"Shinji's umbilical cable has been
severed!" Misato yelled the
instant the monitor screen cleared enough to show that the cord connecting Eva
Unit-01 to its power source was indeed no longer connected.
"And he more than likely used up all of his reserve
power to protect the others and survive the blast," Ritsuko mentioned.
"That means he's defenseless!" Misato yelled. "I'm calling in Eva-00 and 02 to get him out of there."
"No," Gendo said calmly. "You will not. He refused to follow orders and now he must
face the consequences."
"But, Sir," Misato exclaimed as she rose from
her seat in outrage. "He's your
so--"
"That is enough, Major!" Gendo declared. "Either resume your post or you will be relieved of
it."
Misato scowled at her commanding officer, but finally
sat back down.
"Good," Gendo said, not even moving his hands
from in front of his face. "We
will continue to monitor the situation."
* * * * *
"So, you're still alive?" Megatron half-snarled/half-sneered. "You fleshsacks are more resilient than
I gave you credit for.
How...aggravating."
The aggravated Decepticon began to stalk towards the
four disabled mechs.
"At least I finally rid myself of that meddlesome
Optimus Prime," Megatron gloated, noting the total disappearance of his
opposite from the battlefield.
"Although, obliterating your arch foe in a single blast just seems
so unsatisfactory."
Megatron smiled wickedly as he stood before a stationary
Eva-01.
"Rest assured, I will not make the same mistake
with the rest of you."
Inside the entry plug of Eva-01, Shinji Ikari awoke and
looked at his veiw monitor just in time to see the massive silver fist of
Megatron collide with the head of Eva-01.
Even submersed in the yellow LCL fluid, Shinji's head
snapped back from the impact from the connection he shared with his Evangelion.
Eva-01 hit the ground in a limp heap.
Megatron stood over his pitiful quarry, taking a minute
to scan its fallen form.
"Ah, I see," Megatron said finally before
reaching out and hitting a trigger on the back of Eva-01 that ejected Shinji's
entry plug with a loud hiss.
"Such an impressive machine," Megatron said, looking at the Evangelion on
the ground before turning his attention to the long, thin entry plug containing
Shinji Ikari he now held in his hand.
"Pity it is piloted by such a weak, inferior creature. Perhaps I can find a better use for it's
destructive potential."
Megatron lifted the entry plug to eye level looking for
the defenseless human child within.
"Oh God!"
April and Misato both gasped in horror.
"Farewell, human."
And Megatron crushed the metal cylinder with Shinji
Ikari inside.
Or, at least, he would have if a lanky purple fist
hadn't smashed into his face just before another one yanked Shinji's entry plug
from his grasp.
"What the hell just happened?!?" J.R. asked both confused and releaved.
"I...I don't know," April said, feeling much
the same way. "It looks like
Eva-01 just rescued Shinji, but how?"
"I have no idea," Daisuke said, also
expressing the same feeling as the rest of the commentating table. "Without power or a pilot, an Eva
shouldn't be able to move at all."
True to Daisuke's words, when Megatron recovered he
found a montionless Eva-01 holding onto Shinji's undamaged entry plug.
"It doesn't matter how you did that, human,"
Megatron growled, leveling his arm cannon on the still unmoving Eva. "What matters is that you will do
nothing ever again."
"Think again, Megatron," A deep, compassionate
voice said before Megatron's arm cannon was torn off his arm and use to club
the Decepticon in the face.
"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size,
Megatron?" Optimus Prime said as
he tossed his enemy's primary weapon away.
"YES!!!"
Hiroshi cheered, then sang (Accompanied by R2-D2). "o/`You
Got the Touch!!!
You Got the Powah!!! Yeah!
o/`"
To which Daffy and Daisuke simultaneously slapped him
upside the head.
"No Stan Bush for you," Daisuke snapped.
Hiroshi recovered quickly, "Optimus Prime has made
a miraculous return and rescued Shinji Ikari at the very last
second!!!"
"Prime?!?"
Megatron bellowed.
"How--how did you survive?!?"
"You shouldn't worry how I survived,
Megatron," Optimus said. "But
how you're going to."
Then Megatron noticed a sight that made the energon
inside him begin to boil with rage.
Megas and Big O were getting up.
"NO!!!"
Megatron bellowed and leapt towards his Optimus Prime.
There was a thunderous crash as the dropkick from Megas
collided with Megatron in mid-air.
The evil robot skidded across the burnt ground, only to
stop at the feet of Big O. With one
mighty kick, Megatron was sent flying through the air right back to where he
was moments before.
Megatron was at least allowed to get up off the ground
before the well deserved attack resumed.
"Hey Megs!"
Coop said as Megas picked up a charred billboard and lobbed it at the
recovering Decepticon.
"Catch!"
Megatron easily snatched the metal sheet out of the air
in front of him.
"Is that al--?" Megatron said before a
spinning back kick ended his taunt by smashing the billboard into his
face.
"And Megas delivers the World's largest Van
Daminator!!!" J.R. hyped.
"Don't mess with me, 'cause I'm C-O-P!" Coop taunted, even making Megas do the
"thumb-point".
"Uhh...except with another 'O'."
"Yeah..." Daffy drawled as Megatron scrambled
to regain his footing. "A real
progeny that one."
Big O raised his arms to his forehead and released the
purple ray of its Chromiun Buster on the evil Decepticon, tearing a devistating
scar along Megatron's torso.
Megatron screamed in raged pain, but still somehow
remained standing.
Coop looked excitedly at his over crowded dashboard. His hand passed over the buttons labled
"Owwie", "Hurt", and "Mutilate", hitting the big
red one marked "BRING DA PAIN!"
Panels, doors, and turrets opened on every part of
Megas, revealing s ores of missles, guns, and laser cannons of every shape and size.
They all hit Megatron at once, engulfing him in a
massive explosion.
When the smoke cleared, Megatron was still
standing...barely.
"Megatron is certainly one tough customer,"
J.R. said with no small amount of respect for the power of the diabolical
tyrant.
"He takes a lickin' and keeps on
tickin'!" Hiroshi said with no
respect...or sense...at all.
"Quite," C-3PO replied, albeit
reluctantly. "The Decepticons as a
whole, and especially their leader, Megatron, respect very little, except for
power. Which is why they are always
after more."
"It's also why they often fail," April said,
having seen his type far too often before.
"A wise observation, Miss O'Neil," Threepio
agreed.
"I'll...kill...all of you..." Megatron managed
to gasp, not an inch of his once gleaming silver armor left undamaged in some
way.
"You won't hurt anyone ever again!" Roger Smith declared as he prepared for one
final attack. "Big O! Action!!!"
The huge right fist of Big O impacted into the torso of
the damaged Transformer, but it didn't stop there. A gigantic piston shot out from its elbow joint and with a
deafening release of air blasted a massive explosion right through Megatron's
chest.
With a pitiful groan, the once proud Decepticon, now
with a hole in his body big enough to drive a truck through, fell to his knees.
Big O and Megas began to move in, but where stayed by
the hand of Optiums Prime.
"Give it up, Megatron," Said the compassionate
Autobot leader. "It's over. You've lost."
"You pathetic creatures think you've
won?" Megatron snapped. "Think agai--"
"Megatron!"
The surprised Decpticon looked to his side to find the
headless remains of Gundam Wing Zero with its pilot staring up at him
defiantly.
Heero Yuy stood on the platform made by the open cockpit
of Wing Gundam with the self-destruct button in his hand and murder in his
eyes. "You should've killed me
when you had the chance."
"You are willing to die, taking your enemy with you
rather than admit defeat?"
Megatron said more to himself than Heero. "Maybe I was wrong about you, Pest."
Then Megatron laughed.
Then Heero pushed the button.
The following explosion was marred only by the sight of
a giant figure running into the blast, but thankfully it did not knock out the
camera feed.
“Heero Yuy just triggered the self-destruct on his
Gundam!!!” J.R. shouted. “Why?!?
Megatron was beat He didn't have
to kill himself to prove a point!
That's crazy!”
“Oh dear!”
Exclaimed C-3PO.
“I saw someone run into the blast!” April said. “Who was it?”
“I don't know!”
Hiroshi shouted. “Was it
Optimus?!?”
“It's…it's…”
Daisuke waited to get a clear look at the figure stepping back through
the flames.
"Whoa, dude," Coop said to the angry young man
held in Megas' hands. "I dig the
Kamikaze routine, but it's only cool if you live through it!"
"IT'S COOP!!!" Hiroshi screamed.
"Coop used Megas to save the suicidal Heero Yuy!!!"
"His Gundam may be totalled, but at least Heero's
alive," April sighed.
"I agree wholeheartedly, Miss O'Neil,"
Threepio added.
"So, uhh...What happens now?" Coop asked as he set Heero down next to the
still unmoving Eva-01.
"I have accomplished what I set out to do,"
Optimus Prime said. "Defeat
Megatron and defend the people of Earth, neither of which I could have done today
without the help of you four. Thank you all, but I withdraw from the
match. I have no further reason to
fight."
On a private line between Megas and Big O, Roger Smith
appeared on a small screen in front of Coop.
"And it looks I'm not going to accomplish
what I was here to do, so I'm out too," The Nagotiator said. "Looks like you win Coop."
"Awww, man!
I wanted more action!" Coop
griped, slamming his hand on the dashboard, which caused a spare missle to fire
and destroy the last remaining undamaged building.
"Oops!
Uhh...okay. Heh heh! I'm done."
* * * * *
"There you have it!" J.R. said. "Coop
wins on account of everyone else either withdrew or is unable to
continue."
"Especially Megatron!" Hiroshi cheered.
"What an odd, yet celebratory, turn of
events," Threepio observed.
"I fear I'll never fully understand humans."
"You and me both, Brother," The little black
duck chimed in.
Suddenly, R2-D2 burst out in a series of excited chirps
and whistles.
"Appearantly I'll never understand droids
either," Daffy said.
"What?"
Threepio scolded. "You
actually placed a wager on that match...and you won?"
R2-D2 beeped an affermative then gave a long low
whistle.
"Vegas odds where what?!?" Hiroshi shouted, nearly falling out of his
chair. "Dude! You're rich!"
R2-D2 replied with a laughing series of chirps and
beeping as he began to roll away from the table.
"'Quit'?"
C-3PO asked in a panic as he followed the other droid up the ramp and
into the back. "What do you mean,
'You quit'? You can't quit! What about the Republic? Artoo?
Artoo!!!"
"C-3PO said it best," J.R. said as the cameras
returned their attention to the commentating table. "'What an odd, yet celebratory, turn of events'. Coop wins the Mecha Brawl in Tokyo-3 after
Gundam Wing Zero, Eva-01, and Megatron are disabled and Optimus Prime and Big O
see no reason to continue fighting."
"But the fighting will continue with the upcoming
Women's Title Match followed by a very special match referred to only as
'Amerifan vs. Otaku'," Hiroshi added.
"Featuring two guys who would have otherwise been joining us doing
commetary!"
"Yeah," Daffy griped, pushing Jerry Lawler's
unconcious form away from him.
"Like it's not crowded enough here already."
"But before we get to that, we have an incoming
report from Major Misato Katsuragi of NERV regarding the state of Tokyo-3 and
our fighters," April said.
"If we could get it up on the big screen? Major Katsuragi? Can you
hear me?"
"Sure can," Sang the peppy voice of Misato as
she appeared on the large arena screen.
"Hey everyone! Misato here
with an update on the situation in Tokyo-3!"
"Welcome, Major," J.R. cordially replied. "We saw a lot of damaged caused by that
last fight, how are the people of Tokyo-3 holding up?"
"Everyone's fine, J.R.," Misato assured
him. "Both evacuations and repairs
are well underway and going smoothly.
Thankfully, although there was massive property damage, there weren't
any casualties (Except Megatron, of course)."
"What about the other fighters?" Daisuke asked.
"The four pilots have been retrieved and are being
treated even as we speak," Misatoanswered. "Optimus Prime is also receiving repairs and regular
maintenance in the Nerv hanger. So it
looks like everything here is going to be a-okay!"
"Glad to hear it," April said. "Thanks for the update Misato and we
hope to see you again soon."
"No problem, April!" Misato waved good-bye and added a wink. "See you guys later!
And next time, I promise they'll be lots of fan service!"
"Huh?
Wha? Who?" King groaned as he finally regained
consiousness.
"Is he going to be okay?" Daffy asked.
"Oh boy!
Misato!" King cheered. "Plus, next time she promised fan
service! Woo hoo! I can hardly wait!"
"...He'll be fine," April and J.R. deadpanned
together.
_-_-_-_-_
In the empty interview area backstage, the shadow of a
girl with braided pigtails appeared on the wall and extravagantly placed her
hand in front of her mouth as if telling a secret.
"Do you know?
Do you know? Have you heard the
news?"
A second young feminine shadow with a distinct bow in
her hair joined the first, holding up what was apparently a barker's megaphone.
"Come one, come all!" She barked.
"To the greatest show on Earth!"
"The lights!
The spectacle! The
action!" The other chimed in.
"Those fight for love," The bowed shadow girl
swooned holding her hands over her heart.
"These fight for honor," The pigtailed shadow
proclaimed, brandishing a fencing rapier.
"Some fight for fame," The bowed one posed as
flashbulbs shuttered around her.
"Others for power," The other cutely snarled
appearently holding one of the previous flashes in her clenched fist.
"But it's more than just wrestling, fighting, or
sports entertainment."
"It is an opportunity for powerbroakers on a galactic
scale."
"It is a game orchestrated by the gods
themselves."
"It is a battle against fate for the destiny of all
mankind!"
"Plus, it makes for some really great
television!"
The pigtailed shadow girl facefaulted at the comment by
her counterpart, but quickly recovered.
Together, the shadow girls chanted and danced.
"Do you know?
Do you know? Do you really know?"
_-_-_-_-_
"Ha! Beaten
by abunch of punks and a pretty boy in giant tin cans," The meglomaniacal
man in the blue mask laughed before turning to the twin sycophants bowing
before him. "Grab a broom and go
pick up the pieces."
"As you wish..."
"...Cobra Commander."
Xamot and Tomax left to carry out their orders.
In a new hidden base half a world away, Cobra Commander
turned off the sound on the monitor veiwing the premire broadcast of EMW.
"There. You
see?" He proclaimed in a haunty
tone to the only other person as evil and twisted as himself in the throne
room. "Perhaps this latest defeat
will cause the 'mighty' Megatron to 'reconsider' our generous offer."
"Indeed," Replied the other psychotic military
terrorist.
* * * * *
[SECRET MATCH]
[This match is dedicated to the memory of Micheal
"Crash Holly" Lockwook, originator of the 24/7 rule and the most
amusing WWF Hardcore Champion of all time.]
In the halls of the boiler room, an odd figure stalked
through the dark. The only sounds were
the echoing slap of bare feet on the concrete floor and the hissing pipes
delivering heat to the massive arena.
“Who in the world is that?” J.R. asked.
“I think it's Inuyasha,” Daisuke said recognizing the
apparently young man with long silver hair and pointed dog ears wearing a
billowy red kimono. “A half-demon from
the Feudal Era in Japan.”
“Well, what's he doing here?” King asked.
“I don't know,” Daisuke answered. “I don't think he knows either.”
“What the heck's going on around here?” The young half-demon griped. “Where am I? And where's Kagome?”
Inuyasha continued to stalk forward until a noise from
behind caught his attention.
“Pika-chu!”
“What the hell?”
Inuyasha asked as he turned around to find a yellow mouse-like creature
with pointed ears and a lightning bold-shaped tale.
“Aww,” April cooed.
“What's that cute little thing?”
“It's Pikachu!!!”
Hiroshi cheered.
“It's a Pikachu, at least, ” Diasuke
corrected. “It's a type of Pokémon.”
“What in the Sam Hill is a 'Pokey-man'?” Daffy demanded.
“Pokémon,” Diasuke again corrected. “They're animals and creatures with unique
powers and abilities. I believe Pikachu
here is some breed of electric mouse.”
“This is just getting too weird,” April said.
“'Getting'?”
Daffy blanched. “Where've you
been for the past twelve matches?”
“Doing interviews, mostly.”
“...Touché.”
“Pi-Pikachu!
Pi-Pikachu!” The little yellow
creature squeaked in panic, flailing around it's stubby little arms.
“What the hell's the matter with you? Geez, you're even more annoying than
Shippo,” Inuyasha seethed before raising his hand to strike the offending
creature. “Would you just shut--”
"PIKA!!!"
The pokémon squealed and pointed behind the half-demon.
"What--HOLY--!!!" Inuyasha yelled a he narrowly ducked underneath a flying garbage
can lid that impailed itself into the wall behind him.
From the shadows crawled a chattering blue creature that
looked something like a rabid koala.
“Is that another one of those pokey-thingees?” King asked.
“That looks like the infamous Experiment 626!” Hiroshi shouted.
“The what now?”
Daffy asked, more than a little annoyed.
“Experiment 626!” Hiroshi explained. “An escaped alien experiment with amazing
abilities! But how did he get here all
the way from Hawaii?”
“You and your conspiracy theories,” Daisuke moaned.
“Jimmy Hoffa is the guy in the Barney suit!” Hiroshi professed. “I swear!”
“My...name...Stitch,” The creature said in slow, broken
English, flashing a wide smile of thick fangs which quickly transformed into a
wicked sneer. “Stitch...here to fight!”
"You...want to fight me?"
"Eh," Stitch squeaked an affermative.
"Pi-pika?"
"Eh."
Inuyasha shared a glance with the small yellow rodent at
his side before turning back to the aggressive alien before them.
"I don't know what type of demon you are," the
half-demon snarled, brandishing his claws.
"But if you wanna fight I'm ready for ya!"
“Yeearh!” Stitch
snarled as two more arms grew from the sides of his body, antenna sprang from
his head, and three long gangly spikes protruded from his back.
Stitch flew through the air and landed on Inuyasha's
face scratching and snarling.
Deep, animalistic black eyes met cunning, sharp yellow
ones for only a moment before Inuyasha managed to throw Stitch off of him and
into a solid brick wall.
The small alien left a rather large crater where he
impacted, but never once paused as he crawled from the hole and climbed along
the wall like a spider.
"PIKA-CHUUU!
CHUUU!" The small yellow
pokémon shouted as it used the attack Thunder Shock in an
attempt to electrocute the escaping Stitch.
However, the wily genetic experiment prooved too fast
and managed to dodge every single bolt until he disappeared into the shadows.
"Watch out," An ever wary Inuyasha said to his
temporary ally. "He can come from
anywhere."
"Pika," Pikachu agreed, looking about the many
shadows in the area.
The quiet metallic sound of something crawling along the
pipes above them preceed the attack, but the figure that dropped between them
was not the one they were expecting.
"Behold the might of ZIM!!!" The little green antennaed creature wearing
a purple outfit George Jetson would laugh at shouted as he rose up on the four
metal spider legs that protruded from the pod on his back. "After I capture Jumba Jukeeba's
Experiment 626, I will use his genetic code to creature an army of little
monsters and finally CONQUER THE EARTH!!!
So hand him over, you oddly dressed human pig-smelly with obviously fake
ears, and maybe I won't destroy you."
"I'm a half-demon, you moron!" Inuyasha yelled at the self-proclaimed
"Invader".
"As a master of disguse, you cannot fool me,"
Zim responded skeptically. "Surrender 626 to me now!"
"Surrender who?!?" Inuyasha snapped back to attention at a sudden crash coming from
the shadows. "We're trying to
fight for our lives here!"
"Now who's that?" King asked, disappointed that this unscheduled event was keeping
him from ogling more puppies.
"Uhh...guys," April said. "I think that's Zim."
"Gesundheit," Daffy replied.
"Who?"
Asked Hiroshi.
"Zim," April explained. "An alien invader from the 'Irkan
Empire' or something like that. This
big-headed kid keeps calling the station about it and all these other crazy
conspiracy theories. I guess he was
right about this one after all."
(Dib's triumphant yell could be heard for twenty miles in every direction of his
house.)
"Nonsense!"
Zim shouted conversationally and lowered himself, retracting his spider
legs as he did so. "If I 'd wanted
to kill you, rest assured, you would already be vaporized."
"Not you, you little green nutcase!" Inuyasha again shouted at the frustrating
little would-be Invader.
"Pi-pika! Pika-pi! Pikachu!" Pikachu tried to explain as he approached
Zim.
To which Zim responded by narrowing his bulging fuscia
eyes and staring at the chattering Earth creature for a moment before extending
a mechanical leg and flicking the poor pokémon away.
"Then who--"
Zim asked right before a furry blue blur flew out from the shadows and
clamped its jaws over his rather large head.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zim yelled and ran around the boiler room in circles with the
very creature he was looking for attatched firmly to the top of his head.
"That's the guy," Inuyasha snarled with a
smile and a swipe of his claws.
"IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!!!"
But before his attack could come down on either of his
alien enemies, one of Stitch's four arms snatched Inuyasha by the wrist and
flung him into the room's massive boiler, denting it with with a resounding
clang.
Stitch then planted his feet and lifted Zim off of his,
then spat him out at near-terminal velocity into the wall the blue experiment
had collided with earlier.
Stitch's triumphant cackling was interupted when he was
shocked from behind by a sudden bolt if electricity.
Stitch snarled and whirled around to face a pissed-off
Pikachu (Which still managed to look more cute than angry).
Before they could actually commence attacking each
other, a purple laser blast hit in between them and blew them appart.
"Oh no you don't, you
annoying...Earth...sparky...thing," Zim said. "Experiment 626 will belong to ZIM!!!"
Zim opened fire on the megawatt mouse, but Pikachu ran
forward in a quick attack, dodging the lasers effortlessly.
Pikachu leapt at the annoying Irkan and whipped Zim in
the face with his tail, adding an electerical charge to the attack, right as
Zim was preparing his most powerful laser blast yet.
The pokémon's attack knocked the errant laser into a
nearby wall, blasting a hole right through to the technician's breakroom.
Stitch wasted no time in climbing through the hole into
the paniced room beyond.
"Hey!"
Zim called out. "Hey! You can't leave! I haven't captured you yet!"
Zim began to chase Stitch into the other room until a
section of piping collided with the spider legs, sending the malevolent alien
sprawling to the boiler room floor.
"You're not getting away that easy," Inuyasha
growled.
"Foolish cat-eared, dog/human...thing, I'm
not--" Zim said before the
half-demon stepped on his face and vaulted over him.
"Not you!!!"
Inuyasha yelled as he leapt into the other room after Stitch.
"Pika!"
Pikachu called as he followed, also leaping on Zim's face.
Before he made it through the wall however, Zim grabbed
him by his lighting bolt-shaped tail and hoisted him up to stare at the pokémon
with a distainful glare.
"CHUUU!!!"
The now comically-charred, but no less distainful, Zim
chucked Pikachu over his shoulder.
Pikachu landed hard on the cement floor, but quickly got
back up in time to see Zim crawl through the hole he had made.
"Chuuu!"
Pikachu growled before he followed the others into the next room.
The people screamed when Stitch bounded into the room
snarling and scratching at everything within reach.
They paniced when Inuyasha leapt in cursing and snarling
threats.
They stood frozen in shock when Zim stalked in with
shouts of vengence and premature victory.
And several girls cooed when Pikachu bounced into the
room and growled cutely.
"IT'S A SQUIRREL!!!" An electronic voice suddenly squealed.
Without warning, a small silver robot raced forward and
glomped Pikachu in a vice-like hug.
"Where'd that robot come from?" King asked.
"It belongs to Zim. According to Dib, Irkan invaders are each assigned a Standard-issue
Information Retrieval unit," April said. "Apparently, this one is called
'GIR'."
"'GIR'?" Hiroshi pondered.
"What's the 'G' stand for?"
"I...don't...know."
Zim's defective SIR unit continued to giggle and squeeze
the yellow pokémon even though Pikachu was using his most powerful electric
attacks.
"GIR!"
Zim shouted. "Leave the
sparky...hurty...disgusting Earth creature alone! We are here to capture Experiment 626!"
"Hmm?" GIR answered with a dumbfounded stare.
"Capture the fluffy one!" Zim ordered.
"Yes, my master!" GIR's blue eyes flashed red as he dropped the gasping pokémon and
saluted.
GIR then spotted something shinny on one of the
commissary tables and promptly ran straight to it, brimming with excited
giggling.
Zim growled as his robot servant stared at a spoon
instead of following his orders.
The Irkan didn't have time to correct his minion because
Stitch had grabbed the spindly metal legs he was perched upon and swung him
into the table GIR was standing at.
GIR simply followed the spoon as it sailed out into the
hall.
Stitch then chucked Zim directly at Inuyasha who
deflected the alien projectile.
"That's it!"
Inuyasha said us he grasped the hilt of the sword at his side.
As the half-demon drew his sword, the blade became
impossibly large with a mane of white fur on the guard of the handle.
"The Tetseiga," Daisuke pre-emptively
answered. "Is the powerful mystic
sword bequeathed to Inuyasha by his full-demon father. It is said to have the ability to slay a
thousand demons with a single swing."
"Let's hope he doesn't try to do that in
here," J.R. said.
"I'm with you,” Daffy said. "We get enough collateral damage from
the freaks in the ring. We don't need
them taking out the place where we eat too."
"And we don't want anybody to get seriously
hurt," April scolded.
"Oh, yeah,” Daffy unconvincingly replied. "That too."
"You're goin' down, Fluffy!" Inuyasha shouted as he attacked Stitch with
a cleaving strike.
...Which Stitch stopped cold as he clasped all four of
his hands onto the Tetseiga's blade.
"What the--?!?" Inuyasha gaped right before 626 pushed forward and shoved the
hilt of the half-demon's sword right into his face.
Stitch scampered up the massive blade and leaped at
Inuyasha, sending them both to the ground fighting tooth and nail.
"Pikaaa!" The pokémon growled as he charged up
and sat poised to zap his two opponents fighting on the ground in front of him.
However, Pikachu was stopped when a pair of slender arms
wrapped around him from behind and lifted him off the floor into a comforting
embrace.
"You're done fighting now, right?"
The soft, angelic voice instantly soothed Pikachu and
all the anger and hostility from the fight left him completely.
"Pika?"
Pikachu looked up into the bright blue eyes of the smiling young woman.
Her beautiful face was framed by long strands of light
brown hair and the blue markings, the triangles on her cheeks and the vertical
slash on her forehead only seemed to add to her celestial beauty.
"We'll let these nice people finish their
argument," She said, still holding onto Pikachu as she stood up to leave
the room. "We have another who
needs your help."
The young woman in highly ornate white and blue
celestial robes carried the pokémon out of the fight.
"What's she doing here?" Daisuke pondered as he watched the young
woman leave the fight scene.
"Divine intervention?" Hiroshi suggested.
Inuyasha and Stitch knocking over yet another table
during their brawl, spraying the floor with food and equipment, interrupted
their momentary revelry.
"However, Stitch and Inuyasha are still going at
it," April observed.
"I don't think anything is going to stop those
two," J.R. said.
A sudden laser blast separated the two.
"Except maybe that."
Zim returned to the fray blasting away only at Stitch,
who answered with a snarling hiss as he scampered out into the hall.
"Meega, nala kwishta!"
"Gasp!"
Zim gasped. "That's disgusting!"
"I'm not sure what Stitch said,” Daisuke
mentioned. "But I'm pretty sure I
should be glad the universal translators didn't pick up on it."
"Get back here!" Inuyasha shouted as he ran into the hall followed by a hail of
purple laser fire.
"He's mine, you smelly Earth-hybrid!" Zim said as he too skittered out into the
hall. "You shall not take my robot
bee!!!"
"'Robot...Bee'?" King asked.
"One too many times through the teleporter there,
Spock," Daffy interjected.
Zim followed them into the hallway and turned to find
Inuyasha in the middle of a stare down with a chair-wielding Stitch fifty feet
down the hall (Of course, where exactly 626 got the Lay-Z-Boy recliner he held
over his head, no one knows).
Inuyasha stood poised and ready as Stitch snarled and
threw the living room piece at his opponents, which was turned to a cloud of
ash by one of Zim's lasers.
"Ha! Irkan
furniture-based projectile weapon technology is far beyond--Hey!" Zim crowed until Inuyasha pushed him out of
the way and ran passed him down the hall.
Zim followed the half-demon to the spot where 626 had
thrown the plush chair and through the new hole in the wall Stitch had created
a mere moment before.
Inuyasha and Zim emerged into a narrow, dark hallway
with even more pipes running along the ceiling.
"Where'd he go?" Inuyasha asked although he didn't care if Zim answered or not.
A sudden skittering noise surprised them from behind,
but when they turned to attack...nothing.
"There!"
Inuyasha shouted as the noise came from the opposite direction, but
again they missed spotting their prey.
"DEATH FROM BEHIND!!!" Zim squealed as he laid laser-fueled waste
to another empty wall.
When the dust cleared, the Irkan and half-demon were
left staring at a burned, but blank wall.
Stitch was still nowhere in sight.
The darkness of the narrow hall covered the pair of
rivals like a thick fog. The silence
was deafening as they tried in vain to find which direction Stitch would attack
from.
The pipes hissed. They waited. The darkness remained still.
Until...
"I'M DANCIN' LIKE A MONKEY!!!"
"GAHH!!!"
"EERK!!!"
Zim and Inuyasha jumped back in surprise as Gir
continued to saunter like a simian.
"DO THE MONKEY DANCE!"
The two visibly relaxed.
"Whew!"
Zim sighed in relief. "For
a second there…”
Stitch suddenly burst through the cinderblock wall with
a menacing growl, grabbed Inuyasha, and pulled him through.
"Hey!"
Zim protested. "626 is
MINE!!!"
Stitch dragged the half-demon though the wall into the
arena's vast garage area then viciously chucked him across the room and into
the side of a steel dumpster.
Stitch picked up a readily available steel girder and
prepared to smash the half-demon once and for all. He would have too if a purple flash of light not suddenly disintegrated
the steel beam.
Stitch stared at the remaining hunk of melted metal in
his hands with a curious coo, then growled at the voice shouting from behind
him.
"Your secrets of life, the universe and everything
will be MINE!!!" Zim shouted as he
leaped through the hole in the wall, Gir traipsing behind giggling like a
madman.
"42!"
Stitch shouted although he didn't quite know why.
Immediately the Irkan began shooting wildly at
Experiment 626, narrowly missing a recovering Inuyasha.
"Hey!"
Inuyasha shouted as he dodged a laser blast that turned the dumpster
behind him into smelly slag.
"Watch it!"
While Stitch skittered around the room avoiding Zim's
attacks, Inuyasha dodged stray shots and charged forward. While Zim's attention was focused on 626,
the half-demon used the massive Tetseiga to hack off the laser-spouting
spider-like appendages of Zim's pack.
"WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
Zim screamed hysterically as he writhed around on the cement floor. “WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!”
“Whoa!” Hiroshi
shouted. “Inuyasha just sliced through
Zim's weapons like butter!”
“They were just metal though, right?” A concerned April asked. “Does it really hurt that much?”
Instantly, Zim sprang up without any trace of pain and
got strait into Inuyasha's face.
“…Guess not.”
“You stupid, dog-smelly humanoid!” Zim shouted. “Why did you attack me?!?”
“You were shooting at me!!!” Inuyasha shouted back.
Gir began to play with a severed metal leg, naming it
“Mr. Floppy”.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a steel dumpster flipped over
and trapped all three of them. Stitch
scampered onto the scene and snickered as he knocked on the side of his
successful trap.
“It looks like Stitch has incapacitated his opponents,”
J.R. said. "It looks like this
match is over."
"Just great!"
Inuyasha's voice echoed from inside the dumper. "Now I've got to get us outta
here."
"I know!"
Gir cheered gleefully from inside the bin as the sound of something
activating came from inside. "I'll
use this thermal detonator I found!"
"Where did you even get that?" An amazed Zim asked his robot lackey.
"Internet," Gir stated simply.
"'Thermal detonator'?" April asked.
"You...don't want to know," Daisuke said as he
slowly began to inch his way underneath the commentating table, futile as it
may be.
Stitch just smiled evilly and gave two loud knocks that
echoed within the metal bin.
"When I get outta here I'm--" Inuyasha
threated before Stitch whacked the dumpster, sending it into the far wall and
setting off the thermal detinator.
_-_-_-_-_
"Oh no, this will never do," the small
swirling vortex with female arms said as she floated through the grand crater
that used to be the EMW Arena and a large part of New York City.
"There have been way too many cataclysmic
explosions tonight," the Great Will of the Macrocosm said as she reset the
world.
* * * * *
Stitch just smiled evilly and gave two loud knocks that
echoed within the metal bin.
"When I get outta here I'm--" Inuyasha
threated before Stitch whacked the dumpster, sending it sliding into the far
wall.
A small explosion of light and a puff of smoke spewed
from the dumpster before one side fell off, dispelling an unconscious Zim and
Inuyasha.
Gir tumbled out and began making "garbage
angles" in the smoldering refuse until Stitch scampered up to the playing
robot.
They stared at eachother a moment before Stitch punted
Gir across the garage and began rumaging through the pile of trash, producing
an odd belt made of tattered leather with a plate made of a hubcap and pieces
of glass.
"STITCH...HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!" Experiment 626 cackled loudly and held the
tattered championship above its head.
"ALOHA!"
High-pitched maniacal laughter filled the backstage
corridors of the arena as Stitch scampered away into the darkness with the
intention of wreaking even more havoc and chaos.
* * * * *
"Looks like that thermal detinator was a dud after
all," King sighed in relief.
"I guess that means Stitch wins," April
said, "And appearantly we now have
a Hardcore Championship."
"Looks like," J.R. agreed.
"What happened?
Are we dead?" Daisuke asked
as he got back into his seat.
"STITCH WINS!!!" Hiroshi screamed above the roaring crowd. "STITCH WINS THE HARDCORE
TITLE!!!"
"Yeah, I'm dead," Daisuked sighed. "I'm dead and I'm in hell."